lady in stiletto

being molded to be a rational creature, i grew up looking at anything straight in the eye..

not with passion, but with calculating curiosity..

believing that everything can be proved either true or not; could be answered yes or no: only two options, one definite answer..

no either nor neither

then, i proved myself: not so wrong but not so right either..

i saw this young lady in her burberry coat, LV bag and high stiletto, walking straight ahead, she didn't even notice me
while i have always been patching each damaged piece of my life and even those of other people, wondering why and thinking of how's,

she just stepped unto hers, her footprint superimposed the prints of those who tore her life into pieces..

as if nothing happened..
as if she doesn't care at all..
considering the fact that mine's just damaged, hers: torn..

she walked straight ahead..
doing a good job, pretending she's living a better life than mine

if i have not known her that much, i could have been fooled

I've been asking myself why..

I, always being rational, believing there's always an answer, answers I can see and prove, myself

while she, living in fantasy, just going with the flow, doing nothing against those who destroyed her life, and against life itself

and yet, she's much less troubled than i am

i know, she's living in a dream she created herself

just like anybody else in this god damned country..

living in neutrality, in their own myth..

while i..
i always wanted to be the exception to the rule, the indie in the mainstream film industry, the different, for i thought that's how i would be better off..

but guess what, they're living a better life, a lot better than mine..
..........
guess
that explains it..
we survive because we pretend..

i had a hard time because i always swim against the flow

whether we admit it or not, the rest of us acts like the lady in stiletto
pretend, hide, go with the flow, ignore everything coz there's a prize for those who abide to the common..

and sadly, improvement's still elusive..
we might have a better life being just like anybody else
but in general, are we doing well?

"we always use a ship they lend us, to take us to where we're heading; not where we really want to but where they want us to be;
we're afraid to swim on our own towards a place we really think we're better off..

but we never realize: the ship might get overloaded of people who doesn't want to try something new, something better; and that's when we will realize, we should've swam"